What's Wrong With My Relationships?

You're a picture of loyalty, and that's admirable. Once in a relationship -- not an easy task in itself, due to your shy and vulnerable nature -- you'd no sooner leave than you'd sell your favorite piece of furniture. Too bad you forgot to warn your sweetie about your 'cold spells.' You're not unlike a turtle; you're just fine as long as you feel safe and comfortable, basking in the sun, arms and legs stretched out. But the moment anything happens, you snatch yourself inwards, withdraw under your shell, and there's no getting you out until you feel comfortable once again, at some undetermined point in the future. In real life, this translates to moodiness, cold shoulders and sealed lips, and it's no mystery why someone else would quickly get tired of such behavior. It's not so bad out here, Cancer. Your ideal partner will provide a warm and safe place for you to express your fears, but you'll never know that if you don't come out and try. It will take a big leap of faith, but it's one that will pay off in spades for you.

Isn't it great, always being right? You're so confident of your ideas, so inspiring in your speech, so convincing to others, that there's really no reason for anyone else to hold the microphone, is there? You may as well keep it, because as soon as you're finished expressing yourself, you're going to direct the group in what to do next. That's why your past lovers have nicknamed you 'Sarge.' Which, frankly, works for you. That way, fewer people challenge you, because you don't like being challenged. Just who do they think they are, anyway? Well, maybe they're someone important to you who just happens to think a little differently. They're not trying to shoot you down, despite what you think. They're just questioning one of your unquestioned concepts, and it would be to your benefit if you would listen. If you didn't cling so stubbornly to your own ideas, you could expand your mind with some new ones.

Everyone has their price, or so it's said. Yours comes not only in the form of money, but also good meals, fine wines, rich chocolate, red roses, sparkling jewels...you get the idea. You're a most sensual soul, enjoying earthly delights to the best of your ability. And you see nothing wrong with trading a little of this (your good loving) for a little of that (your favorite of the above-named pleasures). This wheeling and dealing may work out for a while, but in the end, it leaves you feeling, well, cheap. There are better ways to value yourself. Your loving is good, very good, so don't underestimate it. You are comfortable and tenderhearted, kind and well-liked by others for your warmth and sympathy. Your ideal lover will easily recognize these fine qualities and won't take advantage of your plodding, patient nature. Instead, they'll appreciate the affectionate and loyal person they've found, and they will indulge you, probably more than is good for you. But, this is one expression of love that you truly understand.

Here's a fact: Everyone gets angry from time to time. So it's not so important that you get angry; what's important is how you express it. Your tendency is to not express anger, but to sit on it. Why is it so difficult for you to confront and explain when someone has offended you? Instead, you hold it in, chew on it, swallow it and add it to the growing heap of similar situations. Has this behavior affected your past relationships? That's a resounding yes! You see, other people can feel your anger, even if you're not expressing it. It shows in your eyes, your body language, your behavior. A few angry words, which are over in just a few moments, are far preferable to the cold shoulder, which can last for weeks -- or worse, the passive-aggressive behavior you're known to indulge in. Don't expect others to figure out what's bugging you. Just say it. You'll find that your partner appreciates this direct method, and that the whole thing will blow over quickly instead of dragging on for ages.

You eyes are focused far into the future, which means that you miss certain things in the here and now, such as the ways in which your relationships may suffer due to lack of attention on your part. Humanity's greater good is a wonderful cause to devote your energies toward, but there are problems in the present that need your attention, too, such as your lover groveling at your feet for some of your attention. To everything there is a season, and there comes a point when it's appropriate to lay down your mission and be attentive to your immediate environment. This requires more than simply putting down the latest tome you've been reading. You must switch gears completely and get out of your head, the cerebral my-space in which you're lost so much of the time. True relations require heart and body as well as the mind. Your ideal partner will share your passion for humanity, but will also seek balance by insisting that you spend time doing more mundane and exciting tasks as well. Take care of today properly, and tomorrow will take care of itself.

Your main problem in relationships (keeping in mind that relationships are metaphors for life) is that you don't know when to quit. Your penetrating gaze and probing mind bored a hole in past lovers and left them exhausted. You asked them long strings of intense, suspicious questions: 'Where have you been? With whom? What were you doing?' Often you grabbed the initiative in your aggressive questioning, which bore twin benefits: The spotlight was off you, and they never dared pepper you with the same insulting questions. How convenient! This intense relationship M.O. hides a whole litany of repressed energy. You're surprisingly stubborn, and resistant to new ideas and information. You may have some idiosyncrasies, such as working yourself to the bone, and you definitely learn lessons the hard way. Absolutely no one knows how easily your feelings get hurt. Somewhere down in that defensive, quivering heap of emotion is a soul who longs simply to love and be loved. Your ideal partner will hold the keys to unlocking the secret of your inner self.

You and your peers have a big job: In your lifetimes, you will radically change the beliefs and philosophies of the world. You're charged with the energy of exploration, and the things you discover will revolutionize the ideas that are currently held. Your relationships will certainly be affected by your adventurous energy, and this is one area that could be totally changed by the ways in which you and your generation conduct your own partnerships. You will likely insist on much more freedom within your relationships than has previously been the case; you may, as a group, marry later or delay starting families until you're more established, and you're in no particular hurry to get established! You have many wild oats to sow first. Your peer group may become your tribe, becoming as important as your family of origin. One thing's for sure: The world you leave behind in the end will be much different from the world you were born into.

You are still very young to have a relationship history, but you and your peer group may idealize the more traditional values concerning marriage and romance. You prefer long-term romances instead of a series of shorter hookups, and may postpone marriage until you're certain you've found a partner you can be happy with in the long term. You'll bring seriousness back into the realm of relationships.

You were born into a generation that will find much intensity in relationships in general, and sex in particular. For the first time in history, with the outbreak of the AIDS epidemic, sex can kill. This has been drilled into you since your early childhood, and forces you to take romantic relationships and sexual relations much more seriously than any generation before you ever did. For you and your peers, there are no casual relationships! In this way, sex becomes a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it can be deadly if you are not careful in protecting yourself in every sexual encounter. On the other hand, sex can be the road to the profound intimacy that you seek at a very basic level. Wield your sword carefully and it can bring you great reward.

You've got a history of hard relationships. Did you and your previous lovers hook up out of love, or was there more to it? Aspects in your pairings point to relationships that have been forced, rather than natural. Was one of you in it for the money? Were you paired up by family, or was one of you trying to get something from the other? Did some sense of duty or responsibility bring you together? Putting this aside, your relationships did not seem to unfold naturally. You didn't have much in common, since you are attuned to an active social life and to relationships with fun-loving types, while you picked partners whose attention was mired in the workaday world. Your past lovers have no doubt viewed you as rather self-indulgent, lazy and flighty, while you found them to be nitpicky and rather cold. You found it difficult to be affectionate with your mate, and felt resentful of being held to certain standards. In order to improve things in the relationship department, you've got to determine your value. Your ideal partner can bring out much in you. Inside you is a person that can act with verve and power, a person you've allowed to wither beneath your lovers' elevated expectations. Developing more confidence in yourself will bring better partners into your life.

Your love life really has you on a seesaw, huh? Up and down, back and forth, you think you know where you're going with someone and then you look around and realize you're the only one on the path. You pick lovers who are tough to pin down, and since you're a person who claims to value stability and commitment, it bugs you more than it should. Never mind that you can be as elusive and slippery as any fish. You wonder darkly what your latest lover is doing when they're not with you, and it shows. Suspicion is so terribly unbecoming! Particularly when you're dealing with anyone who's as evasive and difficult to read as you are. The key to rolling with the ups and downs of romance is to stop choosing partners who are weaker than you are. If you've been the one in charge in most of your relationships, let's face it: This ultimately makes you feel contemptuous of lovers who so easily permit you to roll over them like a juggernaut. Look for someone who won't march in lockstep with you -- a person who's got some backbone and ideas of their own. You won't always know what to expect from this future lover, and that will keep things interesting, which is exactly what you need.

Who ever said self-improvement was fun? You're treading an awfully virtuous path. You are interested in making more of yourself -- advancing your education, moving forward in your career and the like. It's a strategy that'll pay off eventually, but sometimes your relationships have suffer from a lack of air. Being so busy, you've left some partners in the dust, and other relationships have just withered away for lack of attention. Conversation grew stale, and the physical side of your relationships seemed stifling and dull. At times it felt as if you had nothing to say to each other. It's like you'd already eaten dessert and then didn't want to eat the dry, dull meat. To improve your love life, shake things up a little. This shouldn't be too hard for you, given that you're the source of action and movement in all your hookups. Find someone you like and take up a hobby together, something sporty or nature-oriented. Sweat together. Once you add a little life to your pairings, you'll find that your relationships run quite smoothly.